Thursday, June 3, 2010
What I think of unsolicited parenting advice!
Parenting is all a matter of perspective. Every time there is a serial killer that gets the death sentence you see their mother weeping in the court room devastated at the loss of a child. Obviously any one could argue that she did something wrong some where along the lines. A mother might think I raised my children to be great people but her adult child’s co workers and wife might be able to point out a few areas that the mother could have worked on better. I know this much I am a grown adult and there are many many things I do contrary to the way my parents raised me and I can honestly say there are many parts of my life they know nothing about. I see Andrew who I have been married to for 8 plus years as an almost completely different person than his parents knew him to be. Thats why I don’t get a parent that thinks they are doing so good at parenting they are giving out unsolicited advice. What are you basing your success off of? You only see part of your child's life. And the part that you do see you are so biased that your not seeing everything. I try to do my best to remove my bias and just see the situation for what it really is. Or try and see it from another person’s perspective. I am lucky to have a support system who will call me out any time they disagrees with me. One time this comedian came on the David Letterman show and it cracked me up cause when he was asked about his kids he said. They are normal! They do normal kid things and have problems and thats normal. Lol! All these people try and act like their kid is so special in this way or that way but its mostly them trying to cover up their own insecurities through their child. What a burden for these kids to HAVE to be smart cause their mom put them into school early or attractive cause their dad was fat in high school, or lactose intolerant and gluten resistant cause their mom didn’t get an education and coming up with nifty recipes that fit into this category fills a void for her. The more you parent based off of reality the easier their life is. I am not perfect but I would venture to say my kids are normal. And I read and try to educate myself before I make a decision on their behalf. That way I am using information not emotion to guide me. I know there is a part of them I don’t see cause I have blinders on as a mother. And I know some of the beauty I see in them will not be seen by others. That is reality. And weather I like it or not they came who they are and my best bet is to help them be their best selves cause no matter how hard my parents tried I still ended up being myself any way. Maybe that serial killers mom did the best she could. Maybe she did everything right and he still chose his own path. Who knows... At some point we as parents have to realize that its about the children and not us. And the decisions kids make don’t make one parent right and one parent wrong. Thats trying to give a simple answer to a very complicated process. And that means your not using your brain!