Sunday, June 29, 2008

Pay Back

I know when some of you see this video clip you think poor kid why doesn't the mom stop them. Its cause I am too smart I decided to go get my camera so when he farts in their face or scares away their first boy friend I can show them this clip and pawn it off as some deep psychological issue he got at a very young age when he was tortured with water. Lord knows my brother was tortured. He was so annoying and crazy when he would bug us I felt like he had the potential to be a serial killer. He had all the signs. No ability to feel the other persons pain. No remorse for his actions. A strong desire to do it again and again.
(you know i am kidding right?)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

High Tech

We recently went from just a step up from the Shaker people to majorly high tech. I needed to let close friends and family know because now if you come to visit you will no longer be able to enter any room in our house or go outside for that matter without keying in a pass code. If you want the codes I can e-mail them to you or send them via U.S mail. So far I have been able to use just about any code I can think of, but I assure you its just a glich in the system that will be rebooted and updated soon. Odds are in a couple more months it might be as simple as using your thumb print or scanning your eye to enter a room. The computers were installed (colored and taped to the wall) on Tuesday. It was all Dallin. I didn't have to do a thing. I was just informed and now I am telling you.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My two girls

My girls.!
They are close in age. I always was told by the opinionated older women in relief society that they would be best friends since this is the case. But they can’t stand each other. They only get along for minutes out of a month and the rest is large clumps of hair strewn all about the house, bitting, hitting and constant screams, crying and whining. I have been going out in the odd part of our back yard and I dig a little more each day. Its my grave. I know soon I will willingly climb right in. I can’t imagine them as teenagers. They will be the same clothing size yet refuse to share a thing. Will ride separately to school and steal each others friends. Fun fun. They are very different.

Adelaide the princess


She is our princess. We named her after one and boy has she followed through on that. Her tantrums are frequent and overwhelming. She has to be the center of attention and would be less disappointed in me if she were the only child. I see her headed in the direction of the head cheerleader who uses her popularity to manipulate you into doing her homework.

She is obsessive. Everything must be pink and deal with horses or look out. So my advice would be don’t date her and break up with her unless you want a stalker on your hands. These are all things I love about her. I want her to be strong willed and not end up at BYU pregnant and married at 20 with some return missionary idiot for a husband making her feel bad for not having enough food storage. You go girl be a BITCH.

Olivia is Weird

Is weird. I would love to find a better word for it but I cant. She is very spunky skipping or galloping everywhere she goes and not doing anything consistently except for getting her grubby hands on everything. She is in no way high maintenance does not like girly things at all and definitely not more than food. I don't know if I could place what she will be like as she gets older but unique would be an understatement.

Her dad will bawl his eyes out at her wedding. Addie’s will be large and expensive cause it will be a celebration for me as well.
I love that Olivia is determined and will knock you out cold if you cross her. I just have no idea how to make sense of her cause I am allot like Addie a girly girl that loves jewlery, hair and makeup. We will see. For now she is WEIRD.

If you would like to make donations toward my casket or headstone e-mail and I will send a link to my bank account.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Typical Day !

This morning I was asking my husband what he was going to do for the day and I realized we are worlds apart. He has to wear a $300.00 suit and take one of his staff to lunch. Where he will procede to order the fillet minon and a side salad and coach him on how to be more diplomatic with the client then order the key lime pie to go. (all paid for by the firm)
You wanna know what I am going to do today?
As I wear my frumpy not so attractive clothes (I have mastered the skill of making workout clothes blend into day wear and pajamas) (maybe not mastered but don't say anything cause I have a negative self image)
I know he thinks his day is stressful and crazy and we can relate in the evening as we talk after the kids go to bed and I explain how I have overcome my gag reflex with this potty training child cause I had to carry a huge log from the hall way to the toilet and only had watery eyes "I didnt dry heave once!" and he describes how he over came his fear of presenting in meetings thinking yeah we both have the weight of the world on our shoulders. Deep inside I am thinking no way buddy I am the heavy weight champ here. I win. So far Oprah and Dr. Phil back me up but he is always too busy at work to hear them say it.
My day as follows...........

1. Hair

Every morning I do the girls hair cause it looks so ratty and nasty. Olivia always screams like I amputating her siamese twin and Addie will go to the mirror and come back with red eyes full of tears at the disappointment with how ugly I have done it. From there we will do it 12-15 times till all the bumps are gone and she looks like her aunt.

2. Deal with Dallin

He lost his tooth the other night and the tooth fairy was too tired to go buy a toy late in the evening so she left him a coupon for one. All morning long he cant stop asking to go so he can get his toy. Yes most of the time the tooth fairy just leaves a dollar or even a quarter but in our house she leaves a toy because I have refused to play transformers with him for 6 days in a row and she feels bad for him
OK? But we can't go to the store just yet. He has to scrub the bugger collection off his wall first. Boys are so disgusting.

3. Clean pool area

Next I need to fish 25 my little ponies out of the pool. And put away anything left out in the sun. The Arizona sun is so intense and hot I have a matter of min to move those pool floaties before they look like chewing gum spit on the pavement.

4. Weed

As I am cleaning the pool area I look over and notice the weed I told myself to pull two months ago when it was 1/10th the size. Now its bearing fruit and the roots have broken into the pool foundation. Most likely I will wait till right before my mother in law comes again. (a woman who thinks pruning your roses and weeding should have been considered in the ten commandments) (if we had pretty roses to look at who would lust after another mans wife?)

5. Recycle shampoos

I need to go through which of these bottles is empty. Honestly I think its all of them but if I leave them in there then it feels like I don't need to go to the store just yet and get new ones. Until I go to shower and use my infants gentle cleanser as body wash, shaving cream and shampoo.

6. Feel guilty

The last thing I need is another guilt trip yet I have a baby that is this happy even though his butt looks like it sat on an electric sander for hours. He still has diaper rash from the intestinal bug that gave him the runs. Red heads have very sensitive skin. And his bum is all bloody yet he is smiling like this while I preform the surgery of trying to remove poop but not skin. Yes I would prefer he were screaming his head off. When they are calm and peaceful like Buddah in these moments I feel like crap. I might have some apostle in the making on my hands and he is looking at me like I am so enlightened I know this time shall pass but you have a mountain to climb you mental midget before you can be in my presence.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Not what I had in mind.

My sister took a picture of us at the zoo. I always try to keep and open mind when I see pictures of myself cause I usually get pretty down, but the truth is I didn't really want to have kids. I didnt want this life. And with four kids I can't pay some one $70 bucks an hour to listen to this so work with me. I was ok with Dallin and then from there birth control screwed me over big time. I have been told that I would be able to sue in some cases but how nice would that be to have your kid know you got a heavy check in the mail from a law suite based on how upset you were that you got pregnant with them. "In fact we didn't want you so bad we went ahead and sued". Either way I have been prego on and off for the past 6 years. And look what its done for me. I included pictures of us when we first got married. If you don't want this to happen to you I can send you a list of what birth control methods I used that didn't work. I originally wanted 5 Phd's from a university now I am aiming for two maybe? If my emphases were on childcare I could get one under my belt faster. It was considered a good thing to get married off younger than the old hags (25 year olds) at BYU. It meant you were pretty. But you end up having kids loosing your identity and in the end not so pretty.
Does any one want to take me out to lunch where there isn't a play place?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Little D is home from the hospital. He stayed for way longer than we would have thought but he was in need of it. I am glad too cause some of the nurses were driving me nuts. He is eating a normal diet. And the wet diapers are not as bad. For now our priority is to get rid of the diaper rash. His tush is chapped to the max. If any one has any good ideas let me know. I have kept the diaper off an let the area air dry, but it hasn't done too much. He lost 3 pounds through this whole thing. Its so weird but he doesnt even look like my baby. I love chubby babies and its hard for me to hold his skinny little body. 3 pounds is a mother load. It takes me months to loose that much and I weigh several times what he does. I could never volunteer in a starving village cause I can't play nice with the skinny babies. How do you blow raspberries on that? I think I will melt a cube of butter in his bottle tonight cause I need the rolls back and the little man boobs.
Thanks for all the concern and help everyone has offered.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Little D is in the Hospital

Our little guy is so sick. He got very dehydrated in a matter of hours. It was so scary how gaunt he looked. I could tell something was very wrong cause he had horrible diarrhea and it was straight water. I called the pediatrician and got and an app that day. But she said he just was feeling bad from an ear infection and the diarrhea was from the drainage into his stomach. I brought him home and was sick to my stomach. He still looked awful and wasnt moving at all. He would just lay on the bed like a doll. I bought Pedialite and tried to give him a bottle but he threw it all back up. Andrew took him to the ER and I stayed with the other kids (I hate watching them put IV's in my babies). They said he was severely dehydrated. I felt like a bad mom cause I knew something was wrong but I didn't act fast enough. Yesterday we found out he contracted the Adeno virus and he lost almost all of his bodily fluids in a matter of hours. So I couldn't have done much. They had him ride in an ambulance over to another hospital where he is now in the pediatric ward. He is still not able to function without the IV keeping him hydrated. He was drinking bottle after bottle of formula and pedialite but still his diapers were weighing more than what he was taking in. So they decided that the virus was feeding off of the food and last night they held off feeding him. In an attempt to starve the virus. Best guess is he might have gotten it from the zoo. He is doing better. This morning he had a little bit of stuff in his diaper that they can test in the lab and see if his body is fighting the virus like they want it to. For now he his still in the hospital and Andrew and I are taking shifts spending the night there.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Aunt Net was back in town

My sister Annette came for another visit and it was fun. For my kids its the only time we do very much because I am still not good at taking them out alone. We went to Kung Fu Panda. So funny. We went to the Wild Life Zoo. We swam and swam and Olivia actually came off the step and went into the open water. And we went out to dinner a couple times on top of ordering pizza with cina stix which my kids love and again only get when she is in town.
We will miss her but she is coming back soon.

Feeding the Birds

This part of the zoo trip was awsome!(please note not all people can use this word but I can cause drive a mini van).
The birds especially liked Andrew it was so crazy like snow white but in a manly man sort of way.
It freaked me out and I didnt like it but next time I will be more calm.

Side note

I think after 6 years of marriage my husband gets my sense of humor cause he was willing to pose by the pack rat exhibit. The truth is his family are huge pack rats. They are kind of closet pack rats cause its not like you are walking in isles made by huge piles of stuff but any where they can hide it they will. Some of our biggest fights as a new couple were when I threw away the cd cases after we had put all the cds in one of those organized cd cases. Why would you need the case ever again? He went and found them in the trash and was crying he was so upset yet still kind of foaming at the mouth. Um and then hallelujah god heard my prayers and now we have i-pods. I remember when my mom brought me a box of trophies and metals from my running days and I threw them all away. Most of them I placed very well in or even won. Yet my husband would hyperventilate if he lost even one of his participation ribbons from field day in grade school. Yeah they actually keep participation ribbons!! The other day I was telling my friends how he kind of goes through the trash to make sure nothing he doesnt want to end up in there is there and I told them that he retrieved our VHS player from the garbage. He could see on their faces it was very odd to them so he got defensive and claimed I was lying. Which most people would believe cause I do lie all the time. But check it out I found it hidden in the garage. Mind you we have no VHS movies any more. Not one. Some EXPERTS say its an actual disorder. Hum.... I am just glad I can be here for him when he wants to hurdle over the denial stage and get help.


You can climb up onto some platform and feed the giraffes. Its so cool yet my gag reflex was alive and kickin during this part of our fun day. They have these horribly long tongues with slime all over them and the smell of their breath can only be likened to a obese woman sitting sweating profusely in a sauna on her period having had obscene amounts of garlic in her dinner the night before. In summery the smell would just about knock you over. Either way it was better than sitting at home hating my husband for his inability to see the dishes need to be done.
Here is a video clip of Olivia feeding them. She is very brave but as you can see she got slimed.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Ask us if you can come swim.!

Most people think we are exclusive and don't want our crystal clear water ruined by the snotty noses of your children. Your right! We are very exclusive. Even if you did pass the test we give all intruders you still would have to follow such strict rules you would not have a good time. We even have a self absorbed teenager sitting on a little stool blowing his whistle for any little thing that annoys him and yelling out "Walk Please" in the most condescending voice he has.
So go ahead ask me if you can come swim. We will just look at you like this.

Big Pimpin

Our Red head! We really thought we wouldn't get one. I remember my sister having to stay inside for huge amounts of time in the summer with horrible sunburns from being a red head so we take all the precautions with our cute boy. On top of SPF70 he has a hat, sun glasses and a water shirt. We also recently hired an oompa loompa to follow him around where ever he goes with an umbrella.

The rules.

Any one can come and look as ridiculous as you like. We don't mind. And your especially welcome if you have cottage cheese thighs or a farmers tan. We don't discriminate. We recently added people with pimples on their back to our list of accepted swimmers but two years ago it would have been a no go for you. Our one rule is no peeing in the pool but we have specific bushes that need fertilization some one will be willing to direct you to when needed. Lay back and enjoy the heat.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Thats my kind of tea party

I always hated when women that were pregnant would walk around like they were so special they couldn't do anything and use the pregnancy as an excuse for getting out of normal every day tasks. My doctors always told me you can do pretty much everything you could before the pregnancy. So in a way I would protest this mentality by doing more than I maybe should have. I used to run 6-7 miles a day with my first two up until almost 7 months gestation. Result. Urinary Incontinence.
They also advise against painting while your prego. I choose to do this as well. It was when trading spaces was huge and every one was into doing design by themselves. I painted a bunch and absorbed some fumes. Result. A three year old that does not have dolls or bears or even cute little girls her age at her tea party. No this one is for horses only. The one horse is in a high chair because its a baby.
I did learn my lesson though. Keep hating those annoying pregnant ladies but dont run or paint.!!!